My 3 biggest regrets as a teacher.
You've got to f@ck up to learn.
Over the past 12 years of my career as a primary school teacher I have made many mistakes. Some big, some small. I want to share with you the three biggest mistakes I made, the ones that sit with me every day and the ones that I have learnt most from.
First lesson: Stupidity and Naivety.
This mistake happened in my first year and one that hat has stayed with me the longest.
Over 1 million people take part in marathons around the world each year. From this large pool of participants for every 100,000 runners approximately 0.67 will develop cardiac problems and potentially die. This particular year a child in my class father was running in the London marathon and passed away a few hours after crossing the finishing line.
When the boy returned to class I did a PSHE (Personal, Social, Health Education) lesson about Mother Terresa. The message of the lesson was: To be grateful for what you have. There are lots of other people around the world that have less than you.
I thought at the time I was doing the right thing. The lesson was never directed at the child, but it was thoughtless. A few days later I was brought to my line manager and asked to apologise to their mum. I did and I have never forgotten it.
The lesson I learnt was that I was not the one to be teaching anything. I should have given this child more space.
Second Lesson: The right thing is the wrong thing
A few years later I had moved to Spain, I had moved from KS2 to KS1. In a KS1 class the goal is to get the children speaking in English all day. For anyone that has a child, or is learning a language, you always seem to default to the language that is most fluid between you, so speaking in English was a challenge.
This particular year I had a boy that refused to speak English. Not that he didn’t understand. But refused. For the first few weeks I let things slide. I always said the register in the morning and expected the children to say ‘ Good morning, Mr Payne’ and not ‘Buenas Dias (that was for Spanish class).’
I spoke to SLT, school psychologist and parents and we all agreed to up the ante a few weeks into the school term. The minimum requirement for the child was to say good morning and if the child did not then they would be sent outside for a time out. We were treating it as a behaviour and therefore we must administer a consequence. Some days, the child would walk out with an adult and another day he would be physically removed, kicking and screaming.
The saying goes: ‘With enough time and evidence, every behaviour is understood.’
We knew that this child had a difficult home life (regardless of how much money the family had), parents separated and living between family homes. What we underestimated was the trauma that the separation played on the child. He was not told about the separation of his parents and turned up from school one day with another woman with his dad speaking English to her. The traumatic experience that this child must have experienced must have sent shock waves through their body.
I brought the parents in for a meeting before christmas and told them that their child could no longer continue in the school, if he refused to speak English there was no point in him being in an English speaking school. Only after the fact did I learn what happened.
If I had known, would the outcome be different? No. I probably would have asked him to leave, but I would not have treated his refusal to speak English as a chosen behaviour. (I am laughing now) but he used to pretend to be a mouse and crawl around the classroom under the desks. Maybe as a school we were not equipped for students at that level of need. Recently I have been working in a school that helps children with severe needs and padded walls, where the 6 students in a class could have been 30. It was that demanding.
Throughout this experience I can’t praise my TA enough. She was amazing. Getting the child involved as best she could, speaking to them in their local language and communicating with parents.
The lesson I learnt was to really understand what this child needs. To see the child. Not to assume you know what the child needs.
Lesson 3: Leaving early
I applied to cover a maternity position one year. I was told to start the day before the children started. If any teacher is reading this, if you’re going to have the class for a year, you need at least 2 days to get to know the school, sort out your classroom, plan, prepare, put up boards, reading groups etc. I entered the school building 3 days before my contract started to familiarise myself with the school, its policies and get to know the staff.
I was given a classroom that had been two small offices whose partitioning wall had been torn down to make one long thin classroom, with two doors. The class entered. After the initiation honeymoon phase was over, the problems started. Personality clashes, children tripping over each other and limited space for break time all contributed to one of the hardest years of teaching.
The way maternity contracts work is they are rolling. After the first 4 months, they are extended every 4 weeks until the mother returns to work. I was given the option to extend and I said, no.
I felt that I was constantly fighting the school for extra support, parents, and the children. But who can blame them, I don’t! Parents found out that their child would be moved from a 3 form entry to two form, meaning that there would be more children in one class. Teachers were told to work an extra hour over lunch break, due to dismissing support staff and children found they had no time or space for any kind of personal expression.
However, I was and am a good teacher. I formed a really good bond with all the children in the class. Even the boy who was kicking other children (and eventually me, when I blocked him from coming into the classroom, but he just ran in through the other door).
The time had come in March to tell SLT that I would not be renewing my contract and I would leave. I was not allowed to tell the class at all, due to school policy. However, I did tell them on a Friday afternoon 2 hours before the bell. I did not imagine the tears that followed. Everyone one of them cried. They scrambled to make me good bye cards, give me hugs and hold my hand. Even now I am getting emotional about it.
I realised that I had made this decision for me, I could not stay in an environment that was having such a negative impact on me. However, when seeing them react in this way I realised only then, the bond that I had created with them and how much I was letting them down.
The lesson I learnt was to finish what has started.
Final thoughts
Thank you for reading.
What are the biggest lessons you’ve learned as a teacher or student? I’d love to hear your stories